"We're going out to dinner tonight because my dad got promoted!"
"What's "promoted" mean?"
"It means.........he got...........UPGRADED."
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh!"
This weekend my sewing machine broke in the middle of sewing costume commissions, so I took it apart and put it back together and now it will only…
Husband: How many MRAs does it take to change a light bulb? Me: How Many? Husband: None - cause they only use GASLIGHTING!!!
We're getting ready for bed and talking about how awesome Captain America Civil War was and how the snappy dialogue wasn't forced like in the…