"Oh honey - don't cry! YOU LOOK FAT WHEN YOU CRY!!!!!"
I laughed so hard I peed my pants and had a contraction.
Husband: How many MRAs does it take to change a light bulb? Me: How Many? Husband: None - cause they only use GASLIGHTING!!!
We're getting ready for bed and talking about how awesome Captain America Civil War was and how the snappy dialogue wasn't forced like in the…
ME: I really wish I wasn't allergic to apples, because I would murder an apple fritter right now. Like, I want an apple fritter so hard, if…